- Do you have a 'fussy' baby, who you sometimes just can't seem to please?
- Does your baby want to be held all the time?
- Does your baby want to feed often or for a long time?
- Does your baby hate being in the car and stroller?
- Does your baby fight sleep to the bitter end and then wake frequently?
- Does your baby prefer sleeping on you to anywhere else?
- Are you fed up of other moms saying 'oh, my baby is JUST like that! I know EXACTLY how you feel!' while their baby sleeps sweetly next to them in their bassinet?
If this sounds like you, then take a look at the sections above for some tips that we hope might help both you and your high-needs baby feel even a little bit happier.
Some of the tips worked remarkably well for us and our baby. Others helped a bit and were certainly worth trying. Whatever you do, remember that you are not alone in having a super-demanding baby, and that things will get easier. Don't forget to check out our blog too, which we'll be updating regularly with special features, guest blogs and new product information.
WHY is my baby like this?Just like adults, all babies have their own unique personalities. Some like their own space and revel in being able to kick around on the floor. Our baby hated being put down on the floor from the day we brought her home from hospital.
A large part of this, we still feel, is down to her personality. As a toddler, she still likes to be cuddled very frequently and is a lot more demanding than many of our friends' babies. Pediatrician Dr Harvey Karp believes there is a biological reason why very small babies crave closeness. He says that babies go through a 'fourth trimester' where all they want is to feel the safety and warmth that they felt when they were in the womb. The best way to respond to their needs, he says, is by triggering their 'calming reflex'. This involves carrying them close to you, allowing them to suck frequently and shushing them. This all makes sense - why would a tiny baby prefer to be sleeping on their own on a cold surface to being cuddled up to its mommy? |
The 'fussy baby'We didn't feel Karp's theory quite explained why our little girl was so super-demanding. We then discovered pediatrician Dr Sears's definition of a 'fussy' baby, with higher needs than the average infant. There's nothing 'wrong' with a high-needs baby; they often demand what other babies do, but more often, more loudly and more persistently.
They often don't like being restrained anywhere, but want to have constant movement. However, the definition is not set in stone: if you - and your friends and family - think your baby is more demanding than most, then the chances are you have what we believe is a high-needs baby. Note: we are not for one second suggesting that other babies are easy. ALL babies cry, ALL babies have phases of sleeping badly, being clingy, craving constant attention or wanting milk all the time. It's just that with a high-needs baby, that phase can last months, maybe years, or - with some characteristics - stick around pretty much forever! While many babies suffer from colic during those first difficult months, more high-needs babies may carry on being unsettled until much later on in the first year. |
"You're making a rod!"Parents today who decide to respond to the needs of a demanding baby are often told "you're making a rod for your own back!". We certainly heard this phrase plenty during the early days and still do even now she's a toddler.
This is, quite frankly, rubbish. Firstly, we didn't need to encourage our baby to be this way. She was a persistent baby with pressing needs from day one! Secondly, is it a bad thing for a young baby to know its own parents are willing to meet its needs? Western society is obsessed with encouraging parents to get babies to be independent as early as possible, sleeping away from their parents, sleeping all night at an early age, 'self-soothing', and being happy to be laid or sat down on their own. All unnatural things and often not what a tiny baby ideally needs. While you can't change a baby's personality, by giving them the comfort and response that they so need, you can help them grow into secure and confident little people. |