Can I train my baby to sleep better?While some sleep manuals would have you believe all babies should be 'sleeping through' by three months, research shows that's not only unlikely to happen naturally, but also not particularly desirable.
As well as preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), frequent waking is likely to mean frequent milk feeds. There is evidence to show that some babies can need night feeds for well after six months, no matter what some self-styled 'experts' might say. If you're nursing, did you know that night-time milk has different properties to daytime milk and can be crucial to development and growth? Night feeding is also important for maintaining your supply during those early months. |
Sleep training a baby this young has also been shown to be potentially damaging to a baby's brain and could cause problems for them when they're older. Some experts believe that this is even more likely for high-needs babies, who crave human contact just that little bit more. If you possibly can, try to go with what your baby wants for those first few months.
Some natural parenting gurus and attachment parenting fans advocate a baby-led approach pretty much indefinitely, promoting the benefits of co-sleeping until a child turns five or older. If this works for you, great. If it doesn't, then there are alternatives. And if what previously worked for you and your baby suddenly doesn't work when they are around nine to ten months, that is very common. Feeding to sleep stopped working for my baby at around this time, and suddenly we had no way of getting her off to sleep. We literally couldn't find anything else that worked at night.
So, sometimes a change of approach is needed. While 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' type methods - which involve leaving your baby for indefinite or increasing periods of time - are probably the most popular approaches in our society, there are some studies showing that leaving your baby to cry alone for extended lengths of time can be damaging. We felt constantly torn between knowing this plus wanting to take as gentle approach as possible for our high-need baby, and wanting some more sleep after eleven months of pacing the floorboards.
Some natural parenting gurus and attachment parenting fans advocate a baby-led approach pretty much indefinitely, promoting the benefits of co-sleeping until a child turns five or older. If this works for you, great. If it doesn't, then there are alternatives. And if what previously worked for you and your baby suddenly doesn't work when they are around nine to ten months, that is very common. Feeding to sleep stopped working for my baby at around this time, and suddenly we had no way of getting her off to sleep. We literally couldn't find anything else that worked at night.
So, sometimes a change of approach is needed. While 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' type methods - which involve leaving your baby for indefinite or increasing periods of time - are probably the most popular approaches in our society, there are some studies showing that leaving your baby to cry alone for extended lengths of time can be damaging. We felt constantly torn between knowing this plus wanting to take as gentle approach as possible for our high-need baby, and wanting some more sleep after eleven months of pacing the floorboards.
Luckily, there is a middle-ground. We eventually found that our way forward was a mixture of lots of different approaches and ideas. While it took longer than the cry it out method is touted to take, we don't for one minute regret taking a more gradual and less severe approach. And the relief we felt when we got our evenings back to ourselves and weren't up every hour on the dot every night without fail, well that was tremendous.
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What we did and the results
The books we used to formulate our own approach included The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Baby Whisperer and The Baby Sleep Book. The following was simply what we found worked for us after trying many other approaches. You might find you've already tried a similar thing, that you're not willing to do it, or you might try it and find that it's just not right for you and your baby. Also remember it's important not to sleep train too early for the reasons outlined earlier.
I started off by refusing to feed my baby to sleep any longer. It rarely worked anyway anymore (she would just scream and thrash around) but she would still demand it with gusto. Instead, I fed her first then simply lay down on the futon where I used to feed her to sleep, and attempted to hug her to sleep instead. I say attempted because she would pretty much leap around in anger for the first few nights, clawing at my top wanting me to feed her. I stood my ground because I knew feeding her was unlikely to work and that we needed to get rid of that sleep association.
She would, after half an hour or so of this, finally pass out. After a few nights, the angry crying became shorter in duration and less intense. She would usually go to sleep with the full length of her body spread right down mine. Because she was still such a light sleeper, it was excruciatingly difficult to escape from under her. Every time I moved a muscle she would stir.
I started off by refusing to feed my baby to sleep any longer. It rarely worked anyway anymore (she would just scream and thrash around) but she would still demand it with gusto. Instead, I fed her first then simply lay down on the futon where I used to feed her to sleep, and attempted to hug her to sleep instead. I say attempted because she would pretty much leap around in anger for the first few nights, clawing at my top wanting me to feed her. I stood my ground because I knew feeding her was unlikely to work and that we needed to get rid of that sleep association.
She would, after half an hour or so of this, finally pass out. After a few nights, the angry crying became shorter in duration and less intense. She would usually go to sleep with the full length of her body spread right down mine. Because she was still such a light sleeper, it was excruciatingly difficult to escape from under her. Every time I moved a muscle she would stir.
So after a few nights we decided to try her in a standalone bassinet for the first time ever. We decided at this point that my husband would take over, in the hope that the complete absence of the source of milk might help her relax more.
What he did was incredibly simple. He put on a soothing music and lights projector and some white noise to block out outside sounds, and sat by her crib - complete with her favourite soft toys - until she fell asleep. He found the more he cuddled her or stroked her back, the more she'd just want picking up. And, harsh as it sounds, picking her up would not help any of us get any sleep. So he patted the mattress instead, repeating the words 'lie down' and 'go to sleep now' until she did just that! As with the futon stage, the first few nights took quite a while. She protested angrily and leapt around the crib. But, over the space of a few days, she started going to sleep within ten or fifteen minutes. She almost immediately started sleeping for much longer stretches. Whereas before, three hours would be something to be absolutely ecstatic about, now she was going for four-to six-hour stretches. |
Fast forward a couple of months and she now sleeps through most nights. When she does wake now, we can usually get her back to sleep quickly and easily by speaking soothing words down our two-way baby monitor - a fantastic investment. We thought of this idea quite late on and wish we'd tried it earlier, as it gets her back to sleep ten times faster than going into her room and with no actual crying. The video function on it has been indispensable for checking whether she's just making noises in her sleep or is awake and needing attention.
One piece of advice that pretty much every sleep book covered was a bedtime routine, and if you can manage it, some sort of nap routine. It doesn't mean that sleep times must be the same every day (although many people do swear by this and the more consistency you can have, the better, I find) or that the way you get your baby to sleep must always be the same. Rather, that there is some sort of consistency in getting them off to sleep. This could be always reading them a story if you're at home; taking their favourite plush toy out if you're going to be getting them to sleep in the car; or using some key phrases such as "it's time to go to sleep soon". |