Call in reinforcements!
Sometimes, no matter what you do, there's little choice but to wait it out. Babies don't follow a rule book. They may not care for the new sleep plan you were so enthusiastic about putting into place. With the best will in the world, you can't change a baby's nature or stop them going through difficult phases. While a high-needs infant may well grow into a high-needs toddler and child, it's likely that this will be one of the most testing and intense times for you. But what can you do if you just aren't coping, and the promise that it will get better just isn't helping? It might be time to look for some extra help.
Family and existing friends can also be a great source of support, but only if you tell them how tough a time you're having. Pretending everything's rosy in your perfect family household won't get you any sympathy, least not any offers of help. |
Having someone offer to cook dinner for you, take the baby off your hands for a couple of hours or let you have your first lie-in for months can have an uplifting effect that lasts a lot longer than it takes them to help you out.
It is, of course, key that the other parent takes on their share of parenting too. It can depend on how demanding their job is and the hours they work just how practical it is for them to give you a day off or do the night wakings. Constant communication is key - if you'd like them to do something, just ask, rather than resenting them for not offering to do it.
If things are really getting you down and you just feel you can't go on, then seek help as soon as possible. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Most parents go through times of needing extra support in some way, and whoever you decide to turn to will likely have heard it all before and even more likely, will be very happy to help out.
If things are really getting you down and you just feel you can't go on, then seek help as soon as possible. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Most parents go through times of needing extra support in some way, and whoever you decide to turn to will likely have heard it all before and even more likely, will be very happy to help out.
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- Breastfeeding organisation La Leche League has groups in most areas and are happy for you to discuss many other issues aside from breastfeeding. Also try local breastfeeding groups or baby cafes.
- Attachment parenting, natural parenting or gentle parenting groups tend to attract parents who want to respond sensitively to their children, and parents of high-needs babies often find themselves in this category because of their baby's nature if not because of their existing ideals. These groups are becoming more common - a Google search will tell you if there are any in your area or try here. If not, try a babywearing group. You can find your nearest library via Onya Baby's list here or through Granola Babies. Many have social meets where you can chat about anything relating to parenting. It might sound a bit hippy, but many parents of high-needs babies do find themselves using slings a lot of the time so you're bound to find other parents there with similarly tempered babies.
- A mother's group. This may be run by a local organization specialising in parenting, while others are organized through churches, libraries or community groups. Having a close-knit group of moms to see regularly can really help boost your morale when you feel low. Playgroups or baby classes are also great ways to meet people. And don't worry if you don't click with anyone straight away - try going a few times and if you're still not keen try somewhere else.
- If you are feeling very low and just need to speak to somebody then the Samaritans is available 24/7 every day just for that purpose.